I Hate Cows...

Methods I'm going to try to get...

Rora to eat more foods:

Bribery: “If you eat your broccoli, I’ll give you an extra 50 cents for college.”

Blatent Honesty: “See this picture of Uncle Jimmy? We call him lard-ass. He didn’t eat kale.”

Hostile Negotiations: “If you don’t clean your plate, I’ll whip Buzz Lightyear with a fishing pole and shock him with cattle prod.”

Neuro-Linguistic Programming: “It’s funny how much the more you try to resist the natural urge to eat brussels sprouts , the more you keep wanting it, getting more and more excited about what you are tasting in your mouth at this very moment in time.”

Exploiting Sibling Competitiveness: “If you eat your carrots, I’ll love you way more than your brother.”

Jedi-Talk: “Try? There is no try. Just eat your goddamn vegetables.”

Good Cop/Bad Cop: “Dude. If I were you, I'd just stuff those carrots in your mouth. Mom's coming and she's on her 6th straight day of PMS. Don't want to be on the receiving end of that monster."

Sponteneous Egomania: “SPINACH?! You can’t handle the spinach! Son, I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Cheetos and curse the alfalfa sprouts. I would rather you just said "thank you," and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest that you pick up that spinach and eat it like a man. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to."

Injection of Guilt: “You have NO IDEA how many miles your father had to walk up the steep mountain, in Florida snow, carrying 50 pounds of oranges, wearing flipflops to get that tofu on your dinner plate.” or "Do you know how many pairs of Gap jeans your little cousin in China had to sew to so we could buy this bok-choy?" (ok, that was baaaad....spank me)

Dr. Phil: “Are you eating what you're eating today because you want to eat it, or is it because it's what you think you were eating yesterday when you were trying to finish eating? You moron, you don't need to eat a horse's genitals to spell your name."

Starving Children in Africa Guilt: "If you don't eat, I'm shipping YOUR ASS off to starve in Africa." (thanks Mike)

The Rath of God, Buddha and Santa: “THEY ARE ALL WATCHING YOU RIGHT NOW.”


Thanks to Jada at SteamyKitchen!

posted by Kelly at 1/09/2008 11:44:00 AM